Jokes: Heaven and Hell

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!" The Muslim says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs." The Muslim says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus. Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor." The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!" At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter." As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, my child...Allah is here. But he is busy right now. Why don't you have a seat and wait for him?" The Muslim is so excited that his Allah is so important, after all he always believed this was so. The Lord says to the Muslim "Why you must be parched, would you like a drink?" The Muslim says, "Yes, I would like a drink. I would like that very much." And the Lord asks, "Would you like a Coke?" The Muslim says "Yes, that sounds good, thank you." The Lord says, "It does indeed. I think I'll join you." And with that the Lord snapped his fingers and said, "Allah, bring two cokes!


*********

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised whenconfronted by a room full of beautiful blondes andkegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this isreally hell, and what was so bad about the place."Well," said the demon, "the kegs all have holes inthe bottoms, and the blondes don't!"

********

A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.' Well,' said the cat, 'I lived all my life on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' 'Say no more,' says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer he made to the cat. 'All our life,' the mice say, 'we've had to run. Cats, dogs, women with brooms have chased us. If we had roller skates, we wouldn't have to run any more.' God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. A week later God checks on the cat, which is asleep on its pillow. God gently nudges him awake and asks, 'How are you doing? Are you happy here?' 'Never been happier,' says the cat, stretching and yawning. 'And those meals on wheels you've been sending over are great

******