Saturday, April 16, 2011
Joke: The Tough Biker and the suicidal girl
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"
Joke: How to stop the rabbi from leaving
At the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.
Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Newton and Brookline , stands up and proclaims "If the rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If the rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!"
More sighs and loud applause..
Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex!"
There is total silence.
The rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"
Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied:
"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "Fuck him."
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.
Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Newton and Brookline , stands up and proclaims "If the rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If the rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!"
More sighs and loud applause..
Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex!"
There is total silence.
The rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"
Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied:
"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "Fuck him."
Joke: Blush or not
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden, naked in my trench coat, and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.
So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by, and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden, naked in my trench coat, and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.
So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by, and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
Joke: Golfers ... watch out for those holes !!
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the Golf course. On Golf days, a lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the Golf course. On Golf days, a lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Joke: Threesome
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 65-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, "tonight's your lucky night."
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake?'
She looked pretty good for a 65-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, "tonight's your lucky night."
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake?'
Proofreading is a dead art ... here's why
1) Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
2) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
3) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4) Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
5) Miners Refuse to Work after Death
6) Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
7) War Dims Hope for Peace
8) If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
9) Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
10) Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
11) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
12) Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
13) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
14) Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
14) Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
15) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
16) Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
17) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
2) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
3) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4) Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
5) Miners Refuse to Work after Death
6) Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
7) War Dims Hope for Peace
8) If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
9) Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
10) Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
11) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
12) Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
13) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
14) Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
14) Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
15) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
16) Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
17) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Joke: Santa and Banta Singh do Paris
Santa and Banta Singh were in Paris where they made friends with a French guy named JeanPaul.
The made the rounds all over Paris with him but soon JeanPaul disappeared.
Santa and Banta went to the police and lodged a complaint.
The police asked Santa and Banta if they could give some vital clues about Jean Paul that would make finding him easier.
Santa says..." Jean Paul was handsome and tall"
Police... " All Frenchmen are like that... give us something specific"
Banta says " Jean Paul had blue eyes and was very fair"
Police says " C,mon guys, all Frenchmen have blue eyes and they are fair, tell us something specific"
Santa and Banta together now.... "Oh yes. now we remember, Jean Paul had two holes in his ass !!!
Policeman gets really interested now "Now that's something very specific- but tell me , how do you know this ?? Did you guys see it."
Santa and Banta ... "No we didn’t see the holes, but wherever we went with Jean Paul, everyone used to say, " here comes Jean Paul with the TWO ass holes"
The made the rounds all over Paris with him but soon JeanPaul disappeared.
Santa and Banta went to the police and lodged a complaint.
The police asked Santa and Banta if they could give some vital clues about Jean Paul that would make finding him easier.
Santa says..." Jean Paul was handsome and tall"
Police... " All Frenchmen are like that... give us something specific"
Banta says " Jean Paul had blue eyes and was very fair"
Police says " C,mon guys, all Frenchmen have blue eyes and they are fair, tell us something specific"
Santa and Banta together now.... "Oh yes. now we remember, Jean Paul had two holes in his ass !!!
Policeman gets really interested now "Now that's something very specific- but tell me , how do you know this ?? Did you guys see it."
Santa and Banta ... "No we didn’t see the holes, but wherever we went with Jean Paul, everyone used to say, " here comes Jean Paul with the TWO ass holes"
Joke: Husband down in aisle 10
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price.'
The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price.'
Yet more useful words with your own meanings
The Washington Post published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers weree asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing a nightgown.
6. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
7. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
8. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
9. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
10. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
13. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
14. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing a nightgown.
6. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
7. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
8. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
9. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
10. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
13. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
14. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Joke: Mellow Old Age OR Old Age is a Bitch
An elderly senior couple were invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the husbands were in the living room, the hostess leaned over to her friend to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving pet names'.
The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'His name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bastard what it is.'
While the husbands were in the living room, the hostess leaned over to her friend to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving pet names'.
The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'His name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bastard what it is.'
Joke: Blue Silk Pajamas
A man calls home to his wife and say "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be gone for a long weekend.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting.
So could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend.....
And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?
We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..
'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..'
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.
He said "but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".
Don't ever try to outsmart a woman.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting.
So could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend.....
And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?
We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..
'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..'
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.
He said "but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".
Don't ever try to outsmart a woman.
Joke: Put in Park
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seatand I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in Park?"
She was stretched full-out on the back seatand I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in Park?"
Joke: Baby planes
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The busy flight attendant smiled and said, 'Did your Mother tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'
'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."
The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The busy flight attendant smiled and said, 'Did your Mother tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'
'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."
More useful words with "deep" meanings
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Joke: In his own words
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
Quotable Quotes .... IV
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
Joke: What are the odds?
Joe, a lonely widower, was walking home wishing something wonderful would happen when he passed a pet shop and heard a voice squawk: "Hey, you, Mister, why don't you come in and buy me?" Joe couldn't believe it.
He entered the store, looked at the bird and said: "You speak English?"
"What did you think, Korean?" the parrot answered
Joe had placed $600 down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot, talking about his lonely life. The parrot told him how lonely it was to live in a cage. They became good friends.
Next morning, Joe, before he ate his breakfast, read aloud a page from the Bible. The parrot demanded to know what he was doing and when Joe explained, the parrot wanted also to read a page from the Bible. So Joe went out and ordered a miniature Bible for the parrot.
On Sunday, Joe went to his church and demanded that the parrot could come in and pray to. The Minister refused, saying a church was no place for a parrot. But Joe insisted, saying that the parrot would pray out aloud, since he was a talking parrot. He would also sing hymns.
None of the worshippers believed Joe, and they bet Joe at even odds that the parrot could not say his prayers nor sing a hymn. Thousands of dollars were bet. During the services, the parrot perched on Joe shoulder and did not open his mouth. He neither prayed nor sang hymns. After the services were concluded, Joe found that he owed his buddies over $4,000.
He paid. He marched home, quite upset. After several blocks the bird began to recite the 2nd Psalm. Joe stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird, you cost me over $4,000. Why? Haven't I been good to you? Is this how you repay me?"
"Don't be a fool," the parrot replied. "Think of the odds next Sunday when you take me to church."
He entered the store, looked at the bird and said: "You speak English?"
"What did you think, Korean?" the parrot answered
Joe had placed $600 down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot, talking about his lonely life. The parrot told him how lonely it was to live in a cage. They became good friends.
Next morning, Joe, before he ate his breakfast, read aloud a page from the Bible. The parrot demanded to know what he was doing and when Joe explained, the parrot wanted also to read a page from the Bible. So Joe went out and ordered a miniature Bible for the parrot.
On Sunday, Joe went to his church and demanded that the parrot could come in and pray to. The Minister refused, saying a church was no place for a parrot. But Joe insisted, saying that the parrot would pray out aloud, since he was a talking parrot. He would also sing hymns.
None of the worshippers believed Joe, and they bet Joe at even odds that the parrot could not say his prayers nor sing a hymn. Thousands of dollars were bet. During the services, the parrot perched on Joe shoulder and did not open his mouth. He neither prayed nor sang hymns. After the services were concluded, Joe found that he owed his buddies over $4,000.
He paid. He marched home, quite upset. After several blocks the bird began to recite the 2nd Psalm. Joe stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird, you cost me over $4,000. Why? Haven't I been good to you? Is this how you repay me?"
"Don't be a fool," the parrot replied. "Think of the odds next Sunday when you take me to church."
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