Joke: What's 2 + 5 ?

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.' 

Bush: "Mission Accomplished"

Joke: The burglar who met Jesus and Moses

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

America loves Saudi Arabia

Riddles .... part 4

Answers at bottom of page:

16. In olden days you are a clever thief charged with treason against the king and sentenced to death. But the king decides to be a little lenient and lets you choose your own way to die. What way should you choose? Remember,You're clever!

17. What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left Over?

18. What six letter word in the English language contains ten other words  without rearranging any of its letters?

19. Name an English word of more than 2 letters that both begins and ends with the letters "he" in that order. There are two possible answers. "hehe" is not acceptable. 

 20. A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis: The Wife said she was sleeping.The Cook was cooking breakfast.The Gardener was picking vegetables.The Maid was getting the mail.The Butler was cleaning the closet.  

The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they  know?

Answers:

16. I think I would have chosen to die of "old age". Did you?

17. The word Wholesome.

18.The word is Spared. The ten words are: Spa, Spar, Spare, Pa, Par, Pare,Pared, Are, Re, and Red. If you got this one you are good!

19. Headache or Heartache.

20. It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on 

Fishy Politicians

Riddles .... part 3

11. I can sizzle like bacon,I am made with an egg,I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,What am I?

12. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though.Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any Coaching!

13. Hi! Ma and Pa told me I'd better say that all the two-letter words inThis paragraph have something in common ...... Or else! What's the common factor here?

14. What falls but never breaks?What breaks but never falls?

15. This one's a tuffy! There is a common English word that is seven letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains a common English word - from seven letters right on down to a single letter. What is  the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing aLetter at a time? 

Answers:

11. A snake.

12. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

13. All the two-letter combinations are abbreviations of U.S. States:Hi:Hawaii, MA:Massachusetts, PA:Pennsylvania, me:Maine, in:Indiana, I'd:Idaho, or:Oregon

14. Night and Day!

15. The original word is "Snowing". It decomposes to: sowing, swing, sing,sin, in, and I.

Sunni Today

Riddles ... part 2

Answers at bottom of page.

6. FOUR is HALF of FIVE.Is this statement True or False?

7. A woman shoots her husband.Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.Finally, she hangs him.But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

8. What do these 3 have in common?Superman  Moses The Cabbage Patch Kids

9. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

10. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,  Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Answers:

6. It's True. The Roman Numeral FOUR (IV) is in the middle of the word Five:F(IV)E

7. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

8. They were all adopted!

9. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: Hmmmm... Barbecue.

10. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!