A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
'What are you teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Monday, March 18, 2013
Little Larry and teachers ... 1/2
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
...........
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
.........
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
.........
...........
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
.........
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
.........
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Joke: Parents hate smart-ass teachers
Mr. Dickson asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.
They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer. “Look,” said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little “zero.” “This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and Ican put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.”
“Aaaaaaahhhhhh,” said the children.
The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, “Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how toput 7 holes in 1 hole.”
“Hmmmm,” he thought, “How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?”
“Yes,” said Little Johnny, “You take a flute and shove it up your ass!"
They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer. “Look,” said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little “zero.” “This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and Ican put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.”
“Aaaaaaahhhhhh,” said the children.
The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, “Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how toput 7 holes in 1 hole.”
“Hmmmm,” he thought, “How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?”
“Yes,” said Little Johnny, “You take a flute and shove it up your ass!"
Joke: The lows and highs of life
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon) - but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinals.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, helping them to hold on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'
'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, helping them to hold on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'
'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Joke: Past Sinful Life
A bloke goes to Wal-Mart and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says: 'Hello!
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says: 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies: 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says:
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my bum with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes with shock and says:
'No, I'm your son's school teacher.' !!!!!
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says: 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies: 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says:
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my bum with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes with shock and says:
'No, I'm your son's school teacher.' !!!!!
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