Suicide Bombers' Strike ... more Labor Union problems

BBC NEWSMuslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a
three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of
virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks
with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that
the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his
death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A
spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of
suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the
afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of
Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement
saying the move was to its members and called for a strike vote.
General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We
don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is
like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Ti pton in the West Midlands ,
Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I
sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not
accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic
shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice
between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like
cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff
that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England,
Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that
the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few
virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the
number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence
of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now
know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their
benefit packages.