The beauty in married life

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
......

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

.........

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

..........

A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him,
and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

That's life! Married life!

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?', 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

..........

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

...........

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

...............

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
...........

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

...........

Jewellery and stuff

Phone conversation between husband and wife:

  
Wife:  Where the  hell are you?

Husband: Darling you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money at that time and I said "Baby It'll Be Yours one Day"

Happy Wife:  Yeah my love, I remember.

Husband:  I am  in the Pub  next door to it.

Wedding Anniversay

Apology Letters

From Him to Her: Hi Sweetheart, I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink. Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I'll be home later. Love you…… ..............................  From Her to Him:  Hi Honey, Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on.Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall. I love you too!

Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest pecker."

Joke: Driving at night

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. And is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Joke: God and Drunks

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife."Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.