Sheep Fries and the Frenchman

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with his farm ... especially, the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the Females.

He hired a Frenchman who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his  French worker was just about to throw away the severed, "parts", when the sheep farmer yelled: "No -- Don't throw those away -- "My wife
 fries them up and we eat them ... they're delicious, and we call them 'sheep fries."

Later that day, the French hired-hand came in for supper and, indeed,  he thought that the "sheep fries" were very tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and that evening they all settled down to another supper of "sheep fries".
On the third day, however, when the sheep farmer came in for supper,  he asked his wife where the French hired-hand was.

 "You know, it's the weirdest thing," she said. "I told him that since there weren't that many "sheep fries" this evening, we were also going to have French Fries ...and he ran like his ass was on fire!" 

That old guy from Louisiana

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Joke: Farmers and lawyers

A farmer named Bertie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Misty Company.

In court, the Misty Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Bertie.
'Didn't you say to the police the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Bertie responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Bertie said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Bertie's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Bertie thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge  truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side.. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her.. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da heck would you say?'