On Doctors and Patients

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a
second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.

He doctor treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she
was Chinese.

Another time,  he a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months,
the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to a patient his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man
here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my
son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait
and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The
doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice:"Don't
answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a
bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't
work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor
simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to
those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an
appointment, Then he says,"I wish you had come to me sooner."

Joke: Clinics better than Hotel rooms

A couple went to the sex therapists office at the hospital.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse, " and
charged them $100.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no
problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married And we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. 
Hotels charge more than what you charge me
AND  I can claim these visits to you  as legitimate medical expenses.
Can't beat that !!

Joke: Doctor's office

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients..

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said; "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said; "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you", he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied; "You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked; "Yes??" "There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't pee out of it", he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter...

Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!