Legacy of George Bush

This pic of one of the members of the supposedly pious Christian family Bush, is superimposed on the hundreds of US soldiers killed in the unwarranted war on Iraq during that family member's tenure as the President of the USA.  The number of Iraqis killed during same time is close to a million. The number of Iraq war veterans dying by committing suicide or locked up in lunatic asylums is a well kept secret.

How to stop biting nails

Two little old ladies were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I wish George would stop biting his nails," said one.

"He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Bob used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth".

The most illegal thing you will ever do

Need Help?

As I was driving home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine etc. and at how America is falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said:

NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did.

A Mexican answered the phone wanting to cut my grass…

Maths is hard

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' 

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 
'Yes,' he answered. 

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 
'What are you teaching my son in math?' 
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' 
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' 
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 
'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.' 

Kids and religion

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

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UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon"

"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

Kids and Sunday school fun

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

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HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

 .......................

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom, but, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"