Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Joke: Handsome is he who handsome does .... NOT
"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.
With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.
He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents ...
"Well," explained the Redneck... "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell ...pregnant when you met her."
With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.
He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents ...
"Well," explained the Redneck... "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell ...pregnant when you met her."
Aphorisms : Wise and clever observations .... 2
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM: It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team's winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize in about 40 years we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Kia.
19. After 70 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM: It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team's winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize in about 40 years we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Kia.
19. After 70 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead
Joke: Just one more blonde joke..... heheh
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Proverbs and Phrases ....... 7
Jack of all trades, master of none
Judge not, that ye be not judged
Keep your chin up
Keep your powder dry
Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone
Laughter is the best medicine
Least said, soonest mended
Less is more
Let bygones be bygones
Let not the sun go down on your wrath
Let sleeping dogs lie
Let the buyer beware
Let the dead bury the dead
Let the punishment fit the crime
Let well alone
Life begins at forty
Life is just a bowl of cherries
Life is what you make it
Life's not all beer and skittles
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place
Like father, like son
Little pitchers have big ears
Little strokes fell great oaks
Little things please little minds
Live for today for tomorrow never comes
Look before you leap
Love is blind
Love makes the world go round
Love thy neighbour as thyself
Love will find a way
Judge not, that ye be not judged
Keep your chin up
Keep your powder dry
Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone
Laughter is the best medicine
Least said, soonest mended
Less is more
Let bygones be bygones
Let not the sun go down on your wrath
Let sleeping dogs lie
Let the buyer beware
Let the dead bury the dead
Let the punishment fit the crime
Let well alone
Life begins at forty
Life is just a bowl of cherries
Life is what you make it
Life's not all beer and skittles
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place
Like father, like son
Little pitchers have big ears
Little strokes fell great oaks
Little things please little minds
Live for today for tomorrow never comes
Look before you leap
Love is blind
Love makes the world go round
Love thy neighbour as thyself
Love will find a way
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Aphorisms .... wise and clever observations .... 1
1. The nicest thing about the future is it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that, at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who anxiously awaits his 16th birthday.
2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that, at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who anxiously awaits his 16th birthday.
Joke: Bastard
A 20-year old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist.
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.'
'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night....we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... And... He held my hand....'
'Did he hold your hand like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... And hugged me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'He's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard.It means he adores you.'
'Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor... Exactly like that'
'It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.'
'Then he took off all my clothes... Slowly... '
'Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...'
'Did he take off your clothes like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......'
'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he
Wanna learn about your body completely.'
'Then he kissed me and put his.... Inside me and had sex with me...'
'Did he do it just like what we do?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same'
'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.'
'But then he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming
'BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!'
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.'
'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night....we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... And... He held my hand....'
'Did he hold your hand like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... And hugged me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'He's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard.It means he adores you.'
'Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor... Exactly like that'
'It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.'
'Then he took off all my clothes... Slowly... '
'Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...'
'Did he take off your clothes like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......'
'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he
Wanna learn about your body completely.'
'Then he kissed me and put his.... Inside me and had sex with me...'
'Did he do it just like what we do?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same'
'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.'
'But then he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming
'BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!'
Joke: Depressed ? Suicidal ?
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Joke: Who would like to sleep with Brad Pitt?
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on Three million dollars.
But ‘realistically’, we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on Three million dollars.
But ‘realistically’, we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
Proverbs and Phrases .......6
If anything can go wrong, it will
If a job is worth doing it is worth doing well
If at first you don't succeed try, try and try again
If God had meant us to fly he'd have given us wings
If ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade
If the cap fits, wear it
If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
If you can't be good, be careful
If you can't beat em, join em
If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen
If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys
If you want a thing done well, do it yourself
Ignorance is bliss
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
In for a penny, in for a pound
In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man is king
In the midst of life we are in death
Into every life a little rain must fall
It ain't over till the fat lady sings
It goes without saying
It is best to be on the safe side
It is better to give than to receive
It is easy to be wise after the event
It never rains but it pours
It takes a thief to catch a thief
It takes all sorts to make a world
It takes one to know one
It takes two to tango
It's all grist to the mill
It's an ill wind that blows no one any good
It's better to give than to receive
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness
It's better to travel hopefully than to arrive
It's never too late
It's no use crying over spilt milk
It's no use locking the stable door after the horse has bolted
It's the early bird that catches the worm
It's the empty can that makes the most noise
It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease
If a job is worth doing it is worth doing well
If at first you don't succeed try, try and try again
If God had meant us to fly he'd have given us wings
If ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade
If the cap fits, wear it
If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
If you can't be good, be careful
If you can't beat em, join em
If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen
If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys
If you want a thing done well, do it yourself
Ignorance is bliss
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
In for a penny, in for a pound
In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man is king
In the midst of life we are in death
Into every life a little rain must fall
It ain't over till the fat lady sings
It goes without saying
It is best to be on the safe side
It is better to give than to receive
It is easy to be wise after the event
It never rains but it pours
It takes a thief to catch a thief
It takes all sorts to make a world
It takes one to know one
It takes two to tango
It's all grist to the mill
It's an ill wind that blows no one any good
It's better to give than to receive
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness
It's better to travel hopefully than to arrive
It's never too late
It's no use crying over spilt milk
It's no use locking the stable door after the horse has bolted
It's the early bird that catches the worm
It's the empty can that makes the most noise
It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease
Friday, January 7, 2011
Funny video: Christian terrorists
From the movie "An American Carol" starring Kevin Farley and Kelsey Grammer
Funny scary story
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
(I am soooooo sorry.....but you really should've seen that one coming!!)
I know you are considering never visiting my blog ever again. heheheh!!
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
(I am soooooo sorry.....but you really should've seen that one coming!!)
I know you are considering never visiting my blog ever again. heheheh!!
Joke: Maxine takes up a job that lasted less than a day
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Jokes about Men not ever winning battles against women
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
-----------
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
.................
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
-----------
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
.................
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."